[Science]
Guitar [Computers] Clothes [Money] Happiness [Friends]
Health [Life] Freedom [Organized] Weird [Pathetic] Thank You
SHORT TERM GOAL
Promoted To Sec 4
Finish up originals
Get Top 10 position
Get a Digicam
Collect $500 from raya
Get New Raya Clothes
MID TERM GOAL
Get a new replacement ring
Study like mad for O' levels
Be a better person
Stop being emo
Understand myself
+ understand others
LONG TERM GOAL
Marry Azrani =p
Get a job
Earn $5000
Get a good O level cert
A gig
Many more..
JOURNAL [ Oct 22 - Nov 22 2003 ]
November 14, 2003 2214 hours
[Ramadan 19]
"Remarks: A confident & energetic pupil who takes great pride in his
studies. He has shown an improvement in his overall results. Keep
up the very good work, Abdul Hadi, strive for better grades next year."
- U are absolutely right about the remarks & im fucking gonna strive for those
better grades.
Well that remarks appeared in my report book today. At last the wat is over
and I got back my report book. Wow! Super great improvements I have shown.
Although I got 2nd in class position, a slack of 1, I improved in level
position with a 14/107. Wow. My L1R4 got better and how I wished this was my
O' level results. =) But hey, I'm gonna work hard next year. Mark my word.
Well. Hari Raya is round the bend and I swear I'm gonna cry on the morning of
Hari Raya when they chant the takbir Raya. I'm too lazy to explain wat that is
but its very meaningful and sad. Well, digicam my mom is gonna get for me so I
get to save $200+. Hehe. Orites. I'm off now.
[Buka with: Briyani, 2 Hamburgers, Fries] [Terawih: Full]
Signing Off: HadiAzra
November 12, 2003
2241 hours
[Ramadan 17]
Ok It's been a long time since I last updated. Actually its been only 4 days
to be exact. So many fun things happened in this 4 days. Well firstly,
yesterday I played truant from school and went on a date with Azrani to watch
Matrix Revolutions. Oh man is that a good show worth watching. If u are a
Matrix fan such as myself, all your questions about the show is answered on
that show. It was a great movie I've to say. It was a nice date with Az,
although it was the fasting period. =) Aww man, tomorrow, Sunkesula Krishnasai
Sagar will be leaving for America. So start life anew at that country. What I
mean is he is going to migrate there. His migration has its good points and
bad. The good is the class will hopefully get a lil' bit more quiet as no more
Sunke to bully. Also there will be one person less to challenge for the top 10
position, The bad thing is, the class won't be the same without him. Don't ask
me y, I'm gonna miss that guy. Although he don't mean much to me, at the least
I got to know him as a friend. And before u know it, he's gone. Haiz.. Sorry
ah. I'm getting too emotional. My 4th mid term goal somemore. Haiyah. K ah. I
think I'm gonna sign off here. Hari Raya is not too far away and the Sec 4
begins. Geez. 2003, by far the best YEAR of my life.
[Buka with: Roti Prata] [Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
November 8, 2003 1800
hours
[Ramadan Day 13]
Wow today I'm gonna break fast with Pizza. Yesterday I broke my fast with
western food, today, Italian! hehe. Azrani.. I still miss u. I miss u so much.
All I want to do is love u and love u I will. I can't wait for Hari Raya for
us to go shopping together as we planned. =)
Well, today I bought my baju kurung. Light purple in colour and I bought my
first Capal. Malay traditional shoes. =) Wow I just can't wait till Hari raya.
Im like so hungry and I can't bear the starvation. And I just wanna date
again.
[Expected Buka with: Pizza!] [Expected Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
November
6, 2003 2327 hours
[Ramadan Day 11]
Damn I gave in to temptation and lost my cool for the 3rd time. Fucker. Must
tahan siark..
[Buka with: Roti Prata] [Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
November 4, 2003 2327 hours
[Ramadan Day 9]
I love u
Azrani. Very very much. Don't ever forget that. Though u may treat me harsh
and I may treat u bad sometimes, always note that this is just the bits and
parcels of having a relationship. I wish u all the best for your O' levels k?
Always note that I love and treasure u forever. Go Figure!
[Buka with: Mee soto Lontong] [Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
November 3, 2003 1717 hours
[Ramadan Day 8]
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman. Luckier is the woman who is
a last love of a man.
Prayers go out to those who
feel the way I do. When u feel that hope has left your side to carry on. When
moving on seems forever and the past is something for u to dwell and live on.
Cry, snap, insane and drive yourself frenzy. Behind it all, they never know
what we're doing as a result of us missing them too much. I've tried. I've
tried to mend the pieces back together again but I'm not progressing. What is
this sign? Y am I treated this way? I know I deserve this but for how long?
Mercy lies in the hands of the beholder. My heart is in its hands. I beg of
mercy. Let light shine upon us once again. I never want another night alone,
crying. Yearning to see your face just one more time. Whisper it in my ears
that u need me. Touch my heart and carve the words I love u sincerely with all
of your heart so true. Because deep down inside me, Im missing u more and more
and this love we share is growing. Taking over me. You're above me. Above all
I cherish. [ Cept god and my family] If u love me, show me a sign that u do.
If u hate me, the best thing u can do is come up to me and say it in my face.
I can't bear the pain you're putting me through. I don't see what we gain from
this. I want to look u in the eye and say I love u. If u don feel the
way I do, at least I am glad that I've done what I can to make u love me.
Whereas for now, all I can do, is wait for ur next torture treatment. I
deserve it. I suffer to get u back in my arms. I love u.
[Expected Buka with: No Appetite] [Expected Terwaih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
November 2,
2003 1836 hours
[Ramadan Day 7]
Where it all ends I do not
know. Sorry never updated for quite some time. I'm not in the mood actually.
Another feud in process and it sure ain't a nice one. Haiz.. Azrani o' Azrani.
I love u with all of my heart and soul but all I ever seem to give u is pain
and confusion. How I wish I was a better guy. How I wish I have the looks that
u desire [Though u told me it's alrite]. How I wish i can just make u smile.
So far, I have failed. Tomorrow is your O' levels and I wish u the best of
luck. Though you might not hear me rite now, I love u. I miss u so much. I'm
sorry that I behaved rude in the conversation. I called again but u just put
down the phone and hang up on me. I guess I know what's running through your
mine. I know.. I won't bother u no more. I miss u. My solemn promise to be the
eternal friend you can ever possess.
[Gonna buka with: Chicken Rice] [Expected Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 31, 2003 2144
hours
[Ramadan Day 5]
- Marvelous time spent at school
- Got a 66 for Maths.
- Friday Prayers
- Slept in Bus 17 together with Akmal and Abid all the way to Bedok
Interchange
- Missed Azrani and felled depressed as ever.
- Went to Terawih prayers with Akmal and sembahyang full.
- Play Diablo 2 with Shawn and Yasa.
[Buka with: Fried Rice & Burger] [Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 30, 2003 2219 hours
[Ramadan Day 4]
Brief summary of what happened
today:
Alhamdullillah. At long last I have been promoted to Sec 4 Express. My prayers
have been answered and I'm freaking happy. Went to D&T open house at Temasek
Poly and design course seems fun but risky as not much money earned. Hrmm,
rained alot today. Me Akmal And Hafidz seems to be the closest friends I can
ever have. Including next year, we'll be facing 4 years of close friendship.
May it last to our deaths. Many people are staying back and that's none of my
business. Their loss is not sympathized by me and all I can say is try harder
next year. Whereas for Izzat, I say his loss is called 'Retribution'. Hope he
knows what I mean by that. Hrmm. Azrani O levels are near and I wish her all
the best in her upcoming exams and may her spot in the Poly be achieved. Till
I blog again.
[Buka with: Plain rice & Roti John] [Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 29, 2003 2212
hours [Ramadan
Day 3]
have not much say for my
day in the morning but much to say in the evening. First thing first, today is
Promotion Exercise Day for my school. Which means while I was snoozing away
during my sleep, my form and subject teachers had a meeting to decide whether
each and every one of us will be promoted to Sec 4 Express next year.
Hopefully, I make it through. Ok, enough of school. I will see how I fared
tomorrow. I just went home from Terawih and I met up with Akmal and his
brothers there. He gave me news that there is a possibility that Omar, Izzat,
Abid and some others might be repeating Sec 3 again or be transferred to a
lower stream. Well, my condolences go out to them. So my granny is away to the
doctor for suffering pain to her legs and I also dunno wat's wrong. At least
I'm doing a good job as her grandson by picking her up after my terawih
prayers and make sure she reaches home safe and sound. Well people, I guess
that's just all about it. I seriously need to stop being emo. My relationship
has been stable this whole while but I just ain't being optimistic enough.
Azrani and I are still going strong and nothing is ever gonna stop us. This is
my solemn promise to her and myself. HadiAzra forever! Till I blog again..
[Buka with: Kuey Teow Hong Kong] [Terawih: Full]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 28, 2003 2151
hours
[Ramadan Day 2]
Miraculously, I passed all
subjects that were checked today. Now all that is left for me to check is D&T
and English Paper. If I flung my English, it's either retainment or to a lower
stream of my standard. Believe me that sucks. But what the hey, the only thing
I can do now is hope and pray. May I be promoted to Sec 4 Express next year.
I'm seriously not in the mood. I do not know y but somehow I'm being ignored.
By the person I shower my love, care and concern to. Y? I do not know. My
msg's can't get through her, a smile can't bypass her and my calls aren't
working. Well I guess I'm just a dipshit. Either that she's too stressed out
with her upcoming O' levels next Monday. Whatever the cause is, I'll be
forever loving her. Tc my love. Till I blog again..
[ Buka with: Lontong ][
Terawih: Full ]
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 27, 2003 2134 hours
[Ramadan Day 1]
Another full prayers. Not the usual 8 raka'at that i used to do back last year. I guess this is growing up. To appreciate life and religion. Anyways, so today was the first day of the Fasting Month and boy was it self torture. First to go to school on an empty stomach and to see those non-muslims eating under our very noses. But still, holded on and eventually made it through. [Not like my lil'est sister who gave up at 1+] School today was worth not coming to. First we have to put up with the dicipline master's shit with the stupid singing thingy and then only managed to check 2 of our examination paper. So here's the results:
Poa: 88/100, Physics: 85/100, Geography: 30/50. If thing's can't get any better. :p So now all i need for a promotion to sec 4 is just a pass in my english.
WHich i FeAr The MosT!! Im afraid that i might have written the compo out of point. One way or another tomorrow i shall face it all. Good luck to me i guess. =) So Ramadan has begun and Man i think Shawn is rite.. It's kinda like self-torture. Azrani seems to be avoiding me and I can't find the reason y. [Like always] and she's not responding to my msg's. Since this is the holy month, I've no time to feel moody or down. Instead i should just move on and be optimistic. I've sent out a prayer to her praying for her well being and good luck in her upcoming O' Levels. RIght now I'm thinking of starting a new webpage about us called
"The HadiAzra Chronicles". News to be updated. Whereas for now, Till i blog again..
[Buka with: Mee Siam][Terawih: Full]
Signing Off: HadiAzra
October 26, 2003 1207
hours
[ Happy HadiAzra Day 9
]
As if the days can't get any better, it DID! Yesterday was one day worth
remembering and today paved another day to joy and happiness. Why? Cuz' I've
been to a situation where I never been before and I'm happy being there. What?
It's my 9 month anniversary. By far this is the longest running relationship I
have with a girl and I strive to make this relationship run forever. My relationship with Azrani.
Dedication, Trust and Love will pull us through. Just wait and see. I never
been into a relationship where I feel loved so much and loved someone so much
before in my life. She comes close to being a part of me and I can't bear to
see her go. It's just one of these days where I don't feel myself. Those days
are today and I feel like I'm on Cloud 9. Let it be this way through thick or
thin, I WILL survive. Let mistakes be lessons to be learnt and let love and
happiness be a bonus in the relationship that one possesses. Till I Blog
Again.. Happy HadiAzra Day.
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 25, 2003 2242
hours
[ HadiAzra Day Eve ]
Today, just like some fine days,
are the best days of my life. Well here's wat happened:
So me and Azrani went on our advance date for our 9 month anniversary. We went
to her friend's Deepavali celebration thingy and then to a gig at Tampines
North Cc. At the Deeplavali thingy was fun. We went as a couple, behaved as a
couple and left as a couple. The food there was delicious. Sumwhat spicy but
delicious. I loved the tidbits. MmMm.. Well soon after we headed down to the
gig as we planned. I got a treat from her to entrance and also to Kfc. Hehe.
Sumptous! So we went to the gig and waited for Ska to be played. BUT, as the
last band finished their song to pave way for Ska, a skinhead got hurt in the
moshpit and in the end, the gig was raided by fucking millicents and the gig
was stopped. No Ska! Fuck ar.. Well it was really fun. We managed to spend 6
hours together. Just me and her and no one else. Well tomorrow is HadiAzra Day
9. 9 months together trough hardships and joy. Hoorah hoorah. At least its
worth sumting to remember. I'm thinking of making The HadiAzra Chronicles. A
compilation of what we went through and turn it into a portfolio. My idea is
copyrighted and don't u readers intend to remake my idea to your own. Well,
till I blog again.
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 24, 2003 1730 hours
[ In with the new.. ]
This is how it begins:
Got my new Hari Raya clothing & I've to agree it was the best shopping spree
ever. However, I've more shopping to do with Azrani after Hari Raya just as we
promised. I bought clothing's that make me look smart and neat. No more grudgy
wear and stuffs but more to growing up. Hehe. So my two sisters got their
piercings today. Wonder how it feels.. Nadiah told me that Sabrina cried. Lolx.
Lucky for me I'm chaste and pure. No piercing on my body. Azrani is in Johore
now. Had another misunderstanding last night due to my stupidity. Why must it
always be me who starts the fire. For once I wish I could make her happy being
with me. Well that wish I shall fulfill cause' I wanna be the best boyfriend a
girl could ever have. Whereas for now, all I can do is wallow in self pity.
But that's ok. It's life ain't it. Slamat Berpuasa to my Muslim friends.
Azrani.. I miss ya. Well at least I have new clothes to make me happy. Can't
wait to wear em' and show how I look like to Azrani. My life revolves around
her. Is this what u call love? Till I blog again..
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 23, 2003 2207 hours
[ Boredom strikes ]
Harlow! Me again. I'm bored. Thought
of blogging to make me feel better. So its my second entry of the day. Sorry
ah. This is the end of the day close up. Below is the start of the day
preview. =) So I guess I managed to spend the day with Azrani before Ramadhan
comes. Woah puasa again. The best month of my life. Hehe. Ok so I guess I
wanna try a marquee to wish Indians a Happy Deepavali Tomorrow. Let's see if
it works..
Hehehe. Till I blog again..
Signing Off: HadiAzra
October
23, 2003 1327 hours [ So this is
life. ]
So I guess this is life. Forgiving
and moving on. Bury the hatchet and forget the past. What was I ever thinking.
Hate, lies, deceit? Never. It just lead u to further misery. Glad I realised
that and I'm moving on. So today is the second day of my temporary holiday.
It's now 1.30p.m and Im at home glued to the computer. Being at home has never
been so boring. I'll be going out to meet Azrani later. What a day I'm in. =)
So tonight I'll be reading Yassin and be playing more computer games.
Basically that's all about it for today. hehe. Till I blog again..
Signing Off:
HadiAzra
October 22, 2003 1909 hours
[ Tired of this ]
Maybe I'm
sordid, or maybe I'm simply pathetic. Y must my heart ache? Why do we have to
go through all this? If life is really this unfair, then I suppose life is not
worth living for me. But I'm wrong. I wanna live. I wanna see the world
through the eyes I never had before. Pain, Depression, Loneliness. U thought
me to love, u showed me wat love feels to hurt. I thank u. Thank u for giving
me and experience I've never been before. I failed u. I failed in the simplest
mission I have to accomplish. I failed to make u happy. To make u smile, to
make u love. I'm tired of crying but I'm not tired of loving. I miss u. Know
this I miss u. I have feelings to and I too should deserve to be understood.
But my words are too soft to be heard. My cries are meaningless in your eyes.
For u shall not love a failure. Say whatever I wanna say u tell me. I know u
wouldn't wanna listen no more. So this is where I whine, where all my hopes of
us lie. Where i still believe in the love we share.. For till eternity I'll be
loving u.. Good Night.
Signing Off:
HadiAzra